13 Things That Aren't So Random

There will be thirteen things, but they can be sorted into categories, which really eliminates the randomness. To wit--

Baking:
1. From the comments on our last entry: "You are brave giving red velvet cake to a child . . ."
Weeeell, I'm not brave, really. This is the second time this year that I've made red velvet cake--it's Mat's favorite. However, I made the frosting the cookbook recommended the first time around, and, well, it's not cream cheese frosting. It's NOWHERE as good. So I promised Mat I'd make Afton a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting for her birthday to make up for it. So really it was Mat's birthday cake, version 2.0, but Afton didn't care. As you could see from the pictures, she loved it.

2. Baking in general is a popular activity in our home. We love cakes and cookies and to us, making cookies is a perfectly relaxing Sabbath day activity. I keep my eye out for good cookbooks--the best, most reliable one I've found so far is Better Homes and Gardens Complete Book of Baking. I'd checked it out of the library on a whim and liked it, so I bought it online for something like $3 plus shipping. That's a steal, if you ask me! It's been a great resource for excellent scone and quick bread and cookie recipes.

3. Speaking of cookbooks, Family Circle's Quick and Easy Recipe book contains the dinner recipes I use 3-4 times a week. I'm the first to admit that these people seem quite addicted to tomatoes, especially in their pasta dishes, but they have some great stuff too, like Creole Fish.

4. And there is the old standby, the Deseret Cookbook. It has excellent staple recipes, like meatloaf (as long as it's topped by Mat's Nana's piquant sauce) or glazed carrots or white sauce.

A Day in the Life of the Crawfords:
5. Mat and Karie wake up at 5, Mat to get ready for work (e.g. actually wake up and get dressed), Karie to pursue some personal activities before the children wake up and make concentration impossible.

6. The girls wake up around 7:30 am, despite the cave-like darkness in their room. Annika will wander into the bathroom, two to three stuffed animals under her arms, and not use the toilet. Good thing she wears Pull-ups! Afton yells in her bed. Karie finally gives up whatever she's been doing and gets the girls changed and dressed.

7. Annika and Afton watch PBS (Sesame Street, Curious George, Clifford the Big Red Dog, and DragonTales) while they eat the breakfast Karie has made. Karie takes advantage of their distraction and does the dishes, sweeps the kitchen, cleans the part of the apartment that needs it the most, and does her "computer thing" (read blogs and the newspaper, catch up on email, the usual).

8. After DragonTales, we all run errands--groceries one day, or the library, or a walk around the mall. The girls are always thrown off when Karie announces that they're not going anywhere.

9. Lunch is at noon, followed by Afton's naptime (2 hours! Yay!). Annika will get a reading or writing lesson or we'll just read library books. She's then allowed to play computer games for an hour or so while Karie pursues some other projects (sometimes sewing, sometimes reading).

10. Daddy comes home, Afton is awakened by one parent or another, and the afternoon drag begins. It's too hot to play outside, so the girls run circles in the living room or drive each other nuts in their bedroom. Karie contemplates making dinner. Sometimes she actually gets up and does it. Mat watches Jeopardy! to unwind.

11. Dinner, bathtime, bedtime for kids. Then TV time for Mom and Dad (this is where the Blockbuster online subscription comes in handy--we've been catching up on our favorite shows like Monk and The Office). After the TV goes off, Karie goes and checks on the girls, which includes redressing Afton and putting all her stuffed animals, blankets, and pillow back in her crib. And then we sleep and start all over again.

Thoughts on Motherhood:
12. Motherhood in our current society and in LDS society is an interesting thing, in my observation. The stereotype in non-LDS culture is the woman who can do everything--raise a couple of kids, have a full-time career, and keep a beautiful house.
(I read that last bit back to Annika. Her response: "This is a beautiful house." Good kid!)
Obviously, this is impossible to do well on all fronts, but the pressure is immense. And on top of that, this imaginary SuperMom is supposed to shuffle her kids to every extracurricular activity possible--sports, arts, you name it. Apparently it's good for the kids.

On the other hand, we have the LDS stereotype. The stereotype is different for everyone, and I'll present my arguments with what I perceive below. But first, a poem by Vickie Gunther in the style of Dr. Seuss about everything an LDS woman tries to take on:

The Girl in a Whirl
Dr. Seuss (a.k.a. Vickie Gunther)

Look at me, look at me, look at me now!
You could do what I do, If you only knew how.

I study the scriptures one hour each day;
I bake, I upholster, I scrub, and I pray.
I always keep the commandments completely;
I speak to my little ones gently and sweetly.

I help in their classrooms!
I sew all they wear!
I drive them to practice!
I cut all their hair!

I memorize names of the General Authorities;
I focus on things to be done by priorities.
I play the piano!
I bless with my talents!
My toilets all sparkle!
My checkbooks all balance!

Each week every child gets a one-on-one date;
I attend all my meetings (on time! Never late!)
I'm taking a class on the teachings of Paul,
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all!

I track my bad habits ~ til each is abolished;
Our t-shirts are ironed! My toenails are polished!
Our family home evenings are always delightful;
The lessons I give are both fun and insightful.

I do genealogy faithfully, too.
It's easy to do all the things that I do!
I rise each day early, refreshed and awake;
I know all the names of each youth in my stake!

I read to my children!  I help all my neighbors!
I bless the community, too, with all of my labors.
I exercise and I cook menus gourmet;
My visiting teaching is done the first day!
(I also go do it for someone who missed hers.
It's the least I can do for my cherished ward sisters.)

I chart resolutions and check off each goal;
I seek each lost lamb on my Primary roll.
I can home-grown produce each summer and fall.
But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all.

I write in my journal!  I sing in the choir!
Each day, I write thank you's to those I admire.
My sons were all Eagles when they were fourteen!
My kids get straight A's! And their bedrooms are clean!

I have a home business to help make some money;
I always look beautifully groomed for my honey.
I go to the temple at least once a week;
I change the car's tires!  I fix the sink's leak!

I grind my own wheat and I bake all our bread;
I have all our meals planned out six months ahead.
I make sure I rotate our two-year's supply;
My shopping for Christmas is done by July!

These things are not hard; It's good if you do them;
You can if you try!  Just set goals and pursue them!
It's easy to do all the things that I do!
If you plan and work smart, You can do them all, too!

It's easy! She said,
And then, she dropped dead.

Someone sent me this as a forward a while back, and it encapsulates the pressure of expectation on LDS women, I think. I often feel, myself, that young LDS mothers expect themselves and each other to concentrate almost solely on their children. Now, having a 2 and a 3 1/2 year old, I will admit that for a time there, my life was completely about my very small children. Babies need constant attention.

However, I think, and this is JUST MY OPINION, that the aforesaid young mothers forget that it's okay for their kids to start operating on their own after a time. The mothers don't have to center their day around the children, yet they do. Woe betide the woman whose life is her children, for what will she do when they are gone? I am not saying that women shouldn't stay home with their children. Not at all. But when a mother don't have any goals for herself, any passions that she pursues for her own pleasure, what becomes of her? I found myself asking that question, a year and a half ago, when I couldn't string together 20 minutes of my own time to read or sew or anything. That's when I determined that I would fit my kids into my life, instead of fitting myself into theirs.

13. I have a friend, we'll call her Anna because that's her name, who loves kids. I admire her for that--she likes her kids enough to play endless rounds of dolls or whatnot with them, and then she invites more kids over to play with her kids. And this doesn't faze her, whereas I'd be tearing my hair out after half an hour. She's a fabulous mom and I'm glad she's my friend. Sometimes, when I watch Anna with her kids, I think "This is the kind of mom I should be."

And then I go home and Annika has an accident and Afton colors on the table and I have to bite my lip to keep from emitting some sort of terrible primal scream. And it hits me all over again that enjoying kids is a talent. It is not one I possess. Also, this is okay. I am how God made me, and His purpose for me is different from His purpose for Anna, or anyone else.

Of course, when Annika says something that makes me laugh or Afton gives me a lovey-dovey hug just after she wakes up, then I realize that I may not have the talent of loving and tolerating *all* children, but I sure do like my own just fine.