I usually wait until I have lots of pictures to post, because than I don't have to think too hard about the text I'm entering--I can just explain the situation surrounding the picture and I'm done. At this stage in my life, that's highly appealing.
But there are some things that you can't take pictures of, like sudden desires to change your life's direction. How do you take a picture of that? I don't know. Anyway, these last few months have been interesting for me personally. When I presented my paper at the Life, the Universe, and Everything conference back in February, I felt rather strongly that I had completed my academic road. I don't need a doctorate, apparently. As I had been looking forward to taking that step, I was rather startled by the impression to stop. It felt like the rug had been jerked out from under me. I had wondered how I was going to juggle homeschooling and my schooling, but I always figured that the timing would be made clear to me and that I could wait until it would all work out.
So I started searching for a new goal to aim at. I love my kids and I want to be a good mother, but as I've always expressed, I believe there's more to life than motherhood. Right now, with four kids under 8, there isn't time for a whole lot more, but in my rare free moments, I feel the need to pursue activities with purpose. As much as I love reading, I need to do something *more*, something to get me out of myself and accomplishing...Something. I'm still looking, still a bit directionless, but I have an idea of what it should be: homemaking.
No, not the Relief Society meetings where you make the newest popular craft or learn how to cook your food storage beans into a chocolate mousse pie, but *making* a home. I've taken steps here and there to figure out the style of decorating I like (Eclectic Country Modern Chic...sort of), how to feed my family well yet inexpensively (I'm still refining that), and so on, but now I feel like I should kick into a higher gear. And since The Baby is my last baby (between potential health issues, a lot of prayer on my part, and just a general "I think I'm getting too old for this!" feeling), I feel like it's time to make myself into...myself. Homemaking and personal...making...seem to be tied together.
To that end, I've come across a few resources in that last couple of weeks that have helped me focus. First is this website: The Prudent Homemaker. The lady running this site is LDS and has refined her homemaking into an art! After having to live off of her food storage for more than two years, she has become an expert at inexpensive yet delicious meals, gardening, and prioritizing what should go into her pantry. While I have no desire to live to her extreme, I find the site inspiring. I've always thought that we spend way too much on food, but I've always been a bit confused as to how to fix that. Thanks to perusing her menu and recipes, I've come to the conclusion that we can have simple meals--a meat sauce over rice or pasta, accompanied by a vegetable--during the week, hamburgers on Saturdays, and a nice big meal on Sundays. My menu before was full of Sunday dinners and very few simple meals, so I'm doing my best to reverse the trend. I also hope to put in a garden very soon, but it will be small. I've got to research square foot gardening a bit more. We also purchased a membership to Sam's Club, because our family is just to that point where we need more in bulk than the local Walmart provides.
As for the personal making, I know I've documented my forays into understanding fashion and what I enjoy wearing. But this would be a touch less complicated if I could drop the weight I put on with each pregnancy. So I've downloaded the app for My Fitness Pal onto my smartphone. My goal is to lose 5-10 pounds by Thanksgiving and a total of 35 pounds by next Thanksgiving. The My Fitness Pal app is a calorie tracker/food diary/exercise diary that helps me keep track of what I eat every day and helps me know how many calories I should consume in order to achieve my goals. Since I'm very practiced at measuring out foods and counting carbs, counting calories is relatively simple. The kids have been a great help too--we've been taking walks every morning before breakfast for the past week, and The Boy will stand in front of the door and ask "Go? Go?" until we leave. He was rather miffed that we didn't go for a walk on Sunday. With exercise partners like these, how can I possibly give up? (I'm just asking for trouble there, aren't I?)
On the fashion front, well, I still wear a lot of t-shirts and jeans. If I drop 10 pounds by Thanksgiving, I think my reward will be a better fitting pair of jeans! I already own all the black t-shirts I need, so really, I'm good on that front. At least they're black, right? And I like button-down shirts, but I have no need to wear those every day, since I end up covered in small-child-produced liquids on a regular basis. But I found this awesome black fedora at Hobby Lobby (I know!) that I love. I may not wear it to church, but I feel like it really dresses up my standard outfit a bit when we go out.
All in all, I feel good about the direction my life has taken. It's not a big, "look at me" type of direction, but it's Something. And I like the results I'm seeing so far (it helps that I lost two pounds in the last week)...(yes I'm bragging a little bit). I'll be happy to keep this up for a while, I think.
2 comments:
Kari - as I read, I understand what you're saying. But I have to take exception to just a few things. While there is more in life than motherhood, there is nothing more important. It was hard for me. I'm a go-er, a thinker, a reader, a maker - and often, as a mother, I felt like I was sitting at a red light with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. But I'm way past that point now, and looking back, I see that, as I have said before I'm sure, NO artistic, literary, social mark I left on the world comes anywhere close to the profound and unsung accomplishment of turning my babies into these amazing people who are my best friends in the world.
Fashion don't mean a thing. Teaching children to understand the world they've been born into, helping them to see themselves clearly (which necessitates years of study so that YOU can see them clearly first - which is harder than we think it is), helping train them past their rough parts and grow in their magnificent parts - the most magnificent of sculpting, the deepest of sciences, the most sensitive of painting.
Who cares how far away the stars are? How does that figure into the quality of life of the denizens of earth? Who cares about climbing Everest - a totally selfish and self-centered accomplishment. Who cares what lies under the polar ice? Interesting stuff - but insignificant to real life on this planet. These things have no impact on the present suffering, on the number of children abused, forgotten, starving, broken by fate or by cruelty. These things also have no impact whatsoever on salvation.
The mother's own artistic needs - meh. They ain't needs. Refreshing herself is important - but there a whole lotta ways to do that without impinging on the Greatest Project. Cliche as it is, service is the greatest refreshment - I know that sounds lightweight and dang goody-goody, but I have gotten more adrenaline rush out of doing something uncharacteristically nice than I have out of a good gallop.
So, I'm just sayin' - and homeschooling used every talent I have. Every shred of creativity. And taught me how to be an adult.
Now, the weight thing? Your cousin-by-marriage, Lorri, is a Beachbody rep. And before you roll your eyes (I am not a MLM person at ALL), let me tell you that she went from feeling frowsy and slow to being back to her young 20s dynamic self doing this program. If you're not friends on Facebook, please friend her and take a look at what she's teaching, because I've seen it work - amazingly. A-mazingly.
Maybe you'd get a kick out it, maybe not. Part of it is Shakeology - which is funny, because in the spring, G and I lost a lot of dangerous inter-parnaneal fat on another shake program. The thing is easy to do - pricey, but then, you have to see that you're buying energy, self-confidence, self-control and personal satisfaction for the price.
Anyway - there's terrific support in the program. Tons of women who watch after each other. So the program doesn't just fade -
You have great kids. Kev loves them to death. You are blessed.
My turn to take amicable exception:
Fashion, to me, is putting on something that I feel comfortable in, that conveys who I am in a simple visual message. And maybe I put it poorly, but I finally came to the realization that all I need is black t-shirts and jeans for now, with the occasional nice button down blouse and skirt for Sundays and dates with Mat. I’m not trying to keep up with whatever is cutting edge—I’m just trying to understand my own likes and dislikes within the realm of what looks neat and comely on me. And the hat is fun.
If I ever gave the impression that motherhood was not important, that’s not what I meant. It is truly the most important pursuit of my life. But it does not take every minute of my day, and in those minutes I have left over, I do not want to waste my time. I want to feel that I am doing something with purpose, as I stated. Some purposes will be entertainment, a balancing of my resources, if you will, but I still needed another purpose, something that had a point. Thus the emphasis on home and personal making.
Thanks for the Beachbody heads up, but a structured program is not for me right now. I know what I need to do, and I’m doing it. Happily, I can involve the children as well, so that’s the kind of program for me. I’m glad it’s working for you.
Thank you for making me think through and refine my thoughts, Kristen. I always appreciate it.
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